Justice League: War Review
Just finished JL: War so I wanted to share my thoughts. Which are mostly negative…
First, I’ll start by apologizing for it. I mean, the source material it’s based on is incredibly weak. I mean Justice League: Origins was just a snooze. So as far as an adaptation goes, War is miles better than Origins. I thought as an overall story, War told a much better one.
Alright, so from there, I’ll get the good elements out of the way. Uh…I liked the animation. The character designs are INFINITELY better than Flashpoint Paradox (though it would be nearly impossible to be worse). I thought the battle scenes were all very fluid and well done. The characters were a little inconsistent, sometimes they’d look really off, but I think overall the animation and character drawings were solid. The fight scenes were really cool. I appreciated those.
That’s really the only good things I had to say, so now my problems. I don’t want to rag too much on the story because like I said already, weak source material, so my main problem lies almost solely with: The characters. Oh man.
Let’s start with Superman. Awful. Superman was just a class A dick the entire movie. And he was barely in it. I would say in terms of importance to the story and screen time, Superman falls at number six. This is SUPERMAN. And he manages to be one of the least critical characters in the movie. But this is New52 Superman who is all stoic, alien, unfriendly, punch-happy, and just the worst. I just got angry everytime he was on screen because he was so bad. All he did was punch things, make doe eyes at Wonder Woman, and get kidnapped so Batman could rescue him. I’m also 90% sure he murdered Desaad and I won’t even get into how fucked up that would be. So yeah, Superman sucked.
Next, Batman. Or more accurately, Bat-God. This movie should be called Batman and Idiots: War. Seriously, the whole film felt like a big fucking jerk-off session to how much cooler, smarter, and more capable Batman is than everyone else. He’s also just a stone-cold snarky jackass. Though through sheer force of how terrible everyone else is, and how hard they tried to make sure we all knew Batman is “teh awesome,” Batman manages to be one of the positive parts of the movie. I will never understand why Batman found it necessary to reveal his secret identity to a stranger he hasn’t really been getting along with, but otherwise, Batman is one of the cooler parts of the movie.
Wonder Woman. The obnoxious, amazonian idiot. Now granted, Wonder Woman kicked the most ass in this movie. And anytime she was fighting and not speaking, she was really awesome. And I actually don’t hate her costume. It’s different, but in a way that kind of works. But wow is she annoying. I get that she’s new to American culture, but she’s basically just a completely annoying idiot about everything. Wonder Woman is supposed to be intelligent and peaceful, yet fierce. Not all “Oh what a glorious day for bloodshed.” Seriously town down the bloodlust. The thing with the guy who dresses in her costume was not as funny as it was supposed to be, and this might be a weird complaint but I’m pretty sure they white-washed the little girl with the ice cream. Also, there’s the Superman/Wonder Woman bullshit. Which I can’t think about without having an aneurysm, so that sucked too.
Green Lantern. The unrelentingly obnoxious cock. I love Hal Jordan. Johns’ run on the character is awesome and Hal is one of my favorite characters. But this movie made me genuinely despise him. He just doesn’t stop being an unrealistically awful douchebag. He flies around talking about how great he is and being rude and in everyone’s face the entire time. I hated this Hal Jordan more than I hated Ryan Reynolds’ Hal Jordan. Yeah. It’s that bad. And he’s got the second most screen time to Batman.
Flash. Zero complaints about the Flash other than he needed to be in this movie way way more. Barry was the only genuinely likable character, and the only one that I felt was true to his actual personality.
Cyborg. The robot with way too many complexes for one movie. Vic started out ok, the stuff with his dad was originally kind of interesting and heart felt, and then things got weird when he went into that robo-cocoon thing (seriously, what?). Then they added the whole layer of “I’m not human, I’m not a hero, I’m a monster” ontop of the daddy issues. He was so whiny the entire time.
Shazam. The insufferable brat. This little shit was a complete waste of airtime. His Vic Stone-fanboy thing was almost cute if it hadn’t been done so obnoxiously, and either of them were remotely likable. And his crush on Wonder Woman had potential but it was douchier than it was endearing. If he had been all love struck instead of “yeah she digs me” (actual line guys) than yeah sure. He was just a prick for NO reason. Like he was so rude to that little girl and Freddy Freeman when they were genuinely concerned about him. Shazam shouldn’t be an angsty little brat. There was no reason to replace Aquaman.
Darkseid. Granted, the lord of Apokolips in this movie is a more compelling version than the thing they were calling Darkseid in Origins, but still he was just a big old boring obstacle. I think his dialogue consisted entirely of telling everyone he was the ultimate evil, to cheesy threats, and grunting. Anything interesting about Darkseid is completely missing. Like why is he invading earth? Just because? Not going to bother to explain anything about who Darkseid is? Kay.
So yeah, with a cast of unlikable versions of my favorite characters, and a weak plot that tried to do too many things at once, Justice League: War is a big old failure. The voice acting was also all very bad. I really didn’t like any of their voices. I wasn’t expecting the perfection from JLU, but literally everyone’s voices felt completely wrong. I’m glad I didn’t spend money on this. Hopefully JLA Adventures: Trapped in Time (which I did pay for) is good.
What’d you think?
Perfect review. My sentiments exactly.